I was a little globetrotter, but inside I felt empty. After almost two years traveling through Australia, Southeast Asia and Europe, I have settled in Germany again. I had wonderful and mind-blowing experiences, but something was missing. After I had been back a while, I realized how I got into a daily routine. In addition, old familiar problems, illnesses and overwhelming emotional states caught up. Strong skin problems (Psoriaris), which had disappeared completely during the travels, reappeared after only two weeks in the familiar environment.
I was searching for myself. For why I am here. I wanted to integrate the transforming insights, impressions, and experiences that I had made during the time I was traveling.
My parents, on the other hand, asked me what I would do with my life in my mid-20s, whether I did not want to take on a real job or pursue a higher degree. However, I had grown so far that I knew that there is more to me than an job working off other people’s goals.
I felt pressure and despair. The severe skin problems were just a sign that I was not feeling well in my own skin. The contact with others was difficult. I felt strong dissatisfaction with myself and with my life. I wanted to find my real place in the world and finally be happy again.
My plans failed to earn enough money and continue travelling through an intermediate job. I could not run away from myself, from what I really wanted, from what I really felt. Instead of continuing to travel, it was time to arrive and make new decisions. It could not continue anymore like this.
Then, I met Mia. She showed a whole new world to me. One evening I sat with her in the kitchen and noticed that, despite all the pain that weighed on me, I could not cry. Determined I said: I do not want to go on living like that! It has to change something! I have to change myself!
Shortly thereafter, I got to know the method of the Talking Circle. Heiko came to us with some footage of an indigenous tribal elder from North America. We saw Manitonquat and his wife Ellika, who spoke to our hearts. I have never been so deeply moved by words and felt very well understood. I discovered a longing in me, for this original love and deep connection. I wanted to feel complete and learn to fully accept everything that is. To feel what is going on in me and, for example to cry again. I saw that I was not alone. I felt the power that lies within a room where I am empathically and worthlessly listened to. Where I am able to show up with my feelings and problems. For the first time in my life, I really felt beeing held.
Heiko wanted to make a documentary about Manitonquat and the Circle Way – about the power that lies in it. He asked Mia and me if we were in. Together with other friends we set up a crowdfunding. Several hundred people supported us with a total of € 20,000 for this project.
I stood at a crossroads. Should I continue my studies of philosophy and follow the path my parents wanted, or should I devote myself fully to the project? For two days I was paralyzed and could not get out of bed. Then I made the decision to follow my inner drive without knowing where it would lead.
During the shootings, we got to know interesting methods and people. Among other things, we worked with Talking Circles, Co-counseling, Non-violent Communication, Possibility Management and Communitybuilding. Through various processes, I came in contact with my feelings more intensively. I came to feel again what was unusual for me as well as for many people in this society. At first I was overwhelmed by the feeling of old injuries and emotions. I screamed, cried and shivered – and learned that this is a natural expression of emotional power. Everyone in the team felt similar and everyone had their own topics. We did not know what kind of dimensions we had entered. We did not know how to handle it. Already during the first shootings there was a first break. It was difficult for us to put the focus and several times the team was almost finished. We worked, experimented and learned for three years. We screamed, desperately, but we all grew in person and could use newly learned methods within the team. Nevertheless, Mia and I finally broke up.
After a six-month shutdown, we met again. We renewed our commitment to complete the film project together – and not just that. Everyone went through their own processes and made their own experiences. I learned to work in a team, to plan and implement a project, to use film and media technology, and above all: I learned to understand my feelings and to use the power that lies in it for my life. My mind was connected to my heart.
The journey to reach this point was very tedious, but the explorations are far reaching. I felt the need to share these experiences and all the methods that I had learned with other people. We initiated our own Talking Circles and started to develop our own seminars. We combine building blocks and methods of different mentors with our own insights to a huge spectrum of experience. Today I put this into the service of transformation and advise people who want to rediscover their love and deep connections. People who are, as I was once, searching and plagued by illness, pressure, isolation and despair. People who want to develop privately and professionally, emotionally and energetically.
I have discovered much of my calling – my essence. I’m working on a great film project in a team. I hold spaces and support people in their personal development. I feel complete and love myself as I am. The Psoriaris is almost gone. My relationships are deep and fulfilling. With joy of discovery and love of life, I am curious to see where the path of my heart carries me.
Love, clarity, transformation